Men Who Love Their Machines

There is something refreshingly and comfortingly similar of these people; most of them are like one batch of assembly production, you know one and you know them all. Below is what I think sets them apart, or let me say their distinguishing factors:

1. Singularity – They are unable to multitask. Here I refer to tasks from a relationship and a material perspective. They would have one friend, one machine, one girl and if I extend an analogy one –two kids. The ability to multitask is reduced, and from a narcissist perspective I would like to say that it is because they are unable to sacrifice their passion.

2. Passion – Fight, study, or play there is passion in them. Typical Type As

3. Creative – Like to do things by their own hand. It can be bashing people, cleaning their vehicle, playing a sport or an instrument, again tied to passion or rather their inability to sacrifice it.

4. Violence – अपना हाथ जगनाथ ! Simple people, not much dallying around, cut the crap, talk to the point and if words don’t work, fists do. In the end no hard feeling, because once a blow is delivered, or a leg broken it is all back to square one and no love is lost between any of them.

5. Boozers – tank like capacity, funnily they are also built in extremes, either skeletal and gaunt or heavy set and huge.

6. Mama’s boys – They are not papas but mama’s boys who have now turned to men. Mother or sometimes it is grandmothers, can’t hear a word against them, so fights emerge with the other female in life.

7. Love Causality – life for them is either black or white there exist no shades of gray, hence, their love for logic and causality. For instance, I bash his head, and it bleeds, there is nothing called less bleeding or lots, it is bleeding.

PS - After reading this an acquaintance of mine gave a nice definition of a male chauvinist (courtesy a lil' extra Christmas rum!), “A male chauvinist is a person, who can only see a female in a porn movie and appreciate it!”  , darn this one seems to link chauvinism to hypocritical …anyways we are still laughing our butt off !!

Finally, all the writes here, are observations/comments.There is no reference to any person, and if there is I would make that amply clear.

The Accordion Concept of Strategy!

Late in the night…………… a random sector of my laptop…………. discovery of a note…….

It was scribbled after a very nice session on strategy by famed Dr Venugopal, if my memory serves me right it was the second/third session.(there is a lot more gyaan there to come !  )

Here is the essence of it. (I was the scapegoat!)

1.       Ok what is your objective?  

 a.       I am here to study and learn.

2.       Why do you want to learn?

 a.       That is because I want a good job

3.       Why do you want a good job?

a.       To earn well

4.       Why do you want to earn well? (Venu at this point was irritating me, lighting my rather short fuse!)

a.       To take care of myself, my family and friends.

5.       Why do you want to do that?

a.       That is because it would make me happy.

6.       Why do you want to be happy?

a.       My response, to this was the great Indian gesture number two, a mid air open palm twist and quizzical eyebrows.

7.       No , No  tell me why do you want to be happy?

a.       I don’t know.(enough of dallying come to the point you are trying to make)

A triumphant look in his eyes, he turns attention from me and sights the class.”So you see.......... that is the difference between objective and action, you never know which is what , it is like an accordion, once you spread it....... stretch it thin........... the folds vanish....... it is a smooth and  taught piece of fiber”.

In this case if you see, his objective is to be happy, and his action is to study and learn

He looks at me and says, “Poor strategy................. I really pity you”.

Ah, so that explains the C-.!

Why Does the World Hate MBAs?

I am one of the above breed, and I can see the hate/dislike/resentment in the industry and to a certain extent I would say it is warranted as well. (I am seeking refuge in a collective identity hoping that it washes away some of personal shortcomings, ding dong!)

What turns the dice against us?

I am trying to figure(this is some loud thinking here !!). Let me start with the process. Business educations is about finding value or as any Marwari/bania would put it, it is about, ”धंदे की बात करियो ....भायो”.

Value or its addition in any process/function is for an infinitesimally short period of time. For instance consider a TV soap opera; the entertainment value is only at the conclusion and the beginning of it. A daily one runs for barely 20(of the allotted 30), minutes and the starting and ending minutes are the ones which add value , or let’s say make you watch it again. The rest are just fillers. So the VAR is 2/30 = 6%.

Similar is the case in modern day business or organizational work. The real meaty work, which adds value, would typically have the same proportion.

So now what happens is most smart, and knowledge MBAs (pun intended!), believe in this philosophy. (can you blame them, they are doing justice to what has been taught)

They seek only to work during the value adding time, hoping that the other time washes away. Alas, it is not so, for there exists a weird causality and a strong one too and therein difference between a soap opera.

An advertisement in the middle of a soap opera it, will not change in any way the hero/heroine make out in the end. However the fillers in real world would determine the nature and longevity of the value added.

Hence the existence of resentment factor number one, the sentiment” that guy/girl will only talk during work, or when he needs something.”

I have no problems if someone comes to me and says they need my help, and the only reason they are talking now is because they need some work from me.However this reason should be clear, no dallying around of keeping in touch , blah blah....

But that is not the way the world seems to work.

Sirjee actually gave me a very nice example yesterday, he said, ”Hey you know G, at B-school he was always running here and there, seeking to be in the midst of everything, and now you don’t hear from him at all , in fact he did not even turn up for V wedding, in spite of being in the same place”

“Sirjee, that is a clay pot, out in the sun for long he cracks. At the risk of sounding boastful, I can say that he did not have any balls, and the influence part of it, was also limited. I know for sure, that if you or I raised a finger it was the end of it and even now we know for better what’s happening at any place”.

But we also have non-friends (I wouldn’t use enemies, for sirjee actually laughed it away) , said sirjee.

“What would you like sirjee?, everybody’s friend who actually has nobody, or somebody’s friend who has all those some “bodies”. , i shot out to him.

Hmm true , says Sirjee.

Secondly MBAs have a huge ego. Two years of education and they are out to defend the bastions of business established by gray haired veterans having a decade and a half worth of experience. This would not augur well with anyone. You cannot command work, or improvements, you would have to persuade them slowly and assiduously.

"What talk to him, he is barely a graduate?" , seems the sentiment.

Darn!! If you are so smart, why don't you use your knowledge derived from the degree rather than just the degree , to get some work done?

Bend, squeeze through and go to the next rung, or break in this rung itself, most choose the latter.

My business is to do with people.Meeting, talking, negotiating and fixing a deal, and in my business there are no fresh faced kids, only gray haired veterans. But the thing with those veterans is that they listen to logic, delivered with the correct amount of deference. Too much of deference and you are not taken seriously, too less you are on an ego trip, it has to be just right.(All right chadda saab I am a desi dalal a.k.a , dalakant !,and I am proud of it).

PS - Chadda and sirjee, my good friends experiences, in different powerhouses, prompted me to pen this down.

Viewpoints - Hilarious !!

We have all heard of the statement of the glass being half full and half empty but apparently there are lots of other viewpoints!!

This is from a site which I literally stumbled upon, and it is hilarious. I am adding a bit or more of my own along with the flow of it.

PS- The formatting is a mess.............I couldn't upload text and images together!!