Institutionalizing the Art of Helping

Look around, these days there is always help available. Oh corrections, modern colloquialism dictates that I use the word counseling/coaching, for “help” by its very nature seems to indicate a diminished self capability.

A kid is born ……………hallelujah!!!


The celebrations over the first couple of years rush by in a haze of dirty nappies and now, he has to go to a school. Admissions are not so easy, so in step coaching to guide the child in the form of preschools. Thanks to my humongous memory I remember my pre-school and school days as times where I just ate (and ate I used to have 5 meals a day ,  morning breakfast, school lunch, back home another lunch, evening snack and dinner, courtesy amma) , played and slept.

Now preschools are no longer about kids having fun, even if it is having fun it is always with an intent to cram in some statistic in the kid, to prepare for an interview (kids giving an interview , they are still shitting their pants and they are expected to know the name of the president of India !).

Pre-schools proudly show their success rate in getting admission to “convent” schools. Convent, again a remnant of our colonial mentality, I regret not having gone to a government school, but I kind of made it up in graduation, (unintentionally though).

Ok, school is in now. Now the harried mom needs to unwind, after all a 3-4 year gap in life has to be compensated. So she takes up her life hopefully where she left it, obviously there is less time now for the kid.

Fear not, tuitions are available.

Tuitions and school make up a major part of a kids life. Soon he enters into high school. Now tuitions won’t do pal, you need coaching. Specialized coaching granting you a chance at elitism (read engineering and medical).It is really a pity that the options that are considered good socially, are of a binary nature.

Coaching is now done; outcome is now derived, elite or otherwise. Now, studies have to be continued, and of course it is all so tough. Having been through a prop at each stage the kid (ok, a grown up), now finds it hard to walk without crutches. He sends an SOS home, “I want to leave this place “.

Parents get all harried….. They look up………. and look down…………….wondering if it is in heaven………… or is in hell ..........the dam elusive solutionel.(Scarlet Pimpernel love the sing-song of it !).

Someone is found who can give coaching at engineering level too. I came to know about it in Mumbai, for I saw a card that read, “Specializing in thermal engineering for all engineering students”.

Come on, coaching at engineering level, you are undermining the value of the course, of course with engineering colleges mushrooming all around, is also adding fuel to the fire.

What would engineers do when they realize that a bridge can’t take the load it has been designed for, or the material ordered is adding a tad bit more weight to the assembly, or there is a last minute design change that may just work? Go figure.

It’s coaching all the way, all to the point of entering an organization. Thankfully you don’t have coaching for carrying on your regular work, here of course training is there, (courtesy generous HR budgets!) Finally it is time to find your own path, your own way and throw off those crutches.

PS – I am not undermining the importance of support in life. I am merely highlighting that we have conditioned our self to rely on props for support and institutionalized the art of helping.I am one of the above cycle, having gone to coaching institutes all the while, thinking that it is a magic wand for all worries.
 
I realized pretty late, that the best things in life are learnt by oneself, nobody can teach it to you !


Finally, it is curious to know that while I was typing this away, an acquaintance(Gtalk!) suggested that I put something similar to this here on the blog

The Orifice Theory.. !

" Where are they going " ?

' When will we eat " ?

Remember the 3-4 year olds who have a lot of questions about everything?

I bumped into a little guy, in a social gathering and he was one fast track shooter.No sooner had he received a answer, another question would pop up. He seemed to have internalized the lean methodology of finding the root cause for analysis .Patience is not really one of my virtues, but I really wanted to build it up, so I went on and on.Also, to a certain extent he was asking logical questions only, and I love logic and structure.

Now any traditional gathering would have some predictable items.I was sitting in a place where they were stocking up all paraphernalia, and one such item was the humble coconut.A small one rolled to where we were sitting and the little one picked it up, ready to fling it back to the mound.However he stopped midway, trudging the nut upside down , he saw what we often miss out the three black orifices at the bottom of the coconut.

" Why are there 3 holes in a coconut " ? , he asked with a genuine look of curiosity.

I was stumped.I could answer logically questions about obvious orifices in human beings, but again these were just two in number(OK, gender unspecific !! , Ignoramus).However I really could not extend the same analogy to a coconut.

Sometimes...... the answer is in the question itself.You just dig and dig......strategically. The person will say something and then a look of realization will dawn ........ so you are happy.

So I sidestepped  this motor mouth, " OK I  will tell you...first you tell me ...what is the color of the coconut "

" That's easy its brown ' , he replied gleefully.

" And the shape of the coconut".

Round...again very happily.

" What is inside the coconut " ?

" Water…

Then he rushed and said " Not just plain water..it is sweet water and there is soft white flesh too "

" So there are two things right ..water and flesh ".

" It is sealed right..so how do you put the two things inside the coconut "?

Funti was lost….I picked up a nut which was near me and showed him the holes.

" See one hole for putting in the water and one for putting in the flesh ".......…I realsied that I had shot myself in the foot…literally. Now I had no answer for third orifice.

The funti however had other plans…he put his tiny finger on the third orifice and said " And this last one is for taking them out ..right "............!!!

Yea yea , that’s is correct !! , I said with releif, " Now why dont you run to you amma and tell her what you just found out ...."

The rocket took off, and I  did too.Later I saw them both sitting in the dining hall waiting to be served and I caught his eye , he became animated and shook his mother, sitting besides him pointing towards me.

I waved to both of them with a smile.

Later, as I was walking out of the hall, the lady caught up with me, and " What exactly did you say to him, he is running around with a coconut, in his hand and saying one two and three again and again !! "

"I did not say anything, i just asked him questions ..." , I replied with a smile

The lady had a look of astonishment on her face, "  Now that is a refreshing change ,  for it is normally the other way round,........".Looking back at him, she added softly , " He is indeed very happy today .A pause and then a barely audible  " His father has no patience you see, and........... I am always running around... "  with just a hint of weariness in her tone.

At a loss of words again I said," I got to go, else it would be hard to get a bus , say goodbye to him from me too ...and good night to you too " ...

' Why dont you come around someday to our place for tea, I am sure he would love to see you again "  ..., she said in a rush.

" I am not a part time baby sitter.........." , I wanted to say...but I  held on and did the great Indian nod, a circular movement that can mean anything.

" This is my number "  she said handling me a scribble , just give me a call if you are planning to come.

Sure !! aur phir .............bhago !!

PS - I did not throw away the number, I got to respect that sentiment, but baby sitting......the jury is out !!

Quote/Unquote - Ver 2

These seem to have touched a chord !

The definition of a one liner:

1. Said without much thought that is it is .... Impromptu , instantaneous....
   
2. Sounds intelligent 
3. Incomprehensible to self and now it seems to others too ( Ok Kurian sir, I get it.....the joke is on me  )

Using those filters here some one liners !!

Sometimes life feels like a ride on a Ferris wheel, you go up and up, you cover a lot of distance but in the end you come back down and the net displacement is zero ! 

God gave us two ears and one mouth...some people spend their entire lives rejecting his superior judgment.

Hope & passion are the prerequisites of good living, hope gives the power to endure and passion the reason to hope ! 


Indians keep sex on their mind and work on their dick .................so they fuck up their work, Americans on the other hand keep work on their mind ...........and sex on their dick.......... so they fuck ............what should ideally be fucked !! (This one is by Nikhil Gupta, and is translated from Hindi)

Power ultimately flows from the barrel of a gun, not the person holding it, nor the finger squeezing it..but from the humble nondescript tube of iron.

" Who would you prefer to marry " , went the question to a PYT(pretty young thing , but of course!) ' A person with brains or one with money,assuming here that both are mutually exclusive" ? PYT replies "Of course one with money because I have enough brains...!!! "

Never force anyone....... for when you do it ..it hurts and the outcome isn't great either...case in point shit.(constipation, Ignoramus !! )

There are just three things free in life, Mother's love , death and free/unsolicited advice...( yea so true, 65+ posts and counting here)

Sometimes it is necessary for the lion to roar to remind the jackal of its fear (Afghan saying taken from Shantaram)

It is all about gestures..........and symbols...words are the last resort measure to express something which cannot be understood.

Vices maketh a man, else there is no difference between you and an animal , they also eat, shit and do their own work ,  (fag time gyaan , by a colleague !)


Females start late but run longer.... real long !! ( by someone who came in recently from his honeymoon ! )

Unquote :) !!

City Lights.......... of Mumbai, Delhi & Chennai

Each city has its pulse, a feel, which is distinct from others. Staying in a place for small times like a tourist and moving around, that feel, that essence hits you hard each time. It is akin to the human sense of smell; sharp, pronounced and short lived. Many times you would have walked into a room only to be greeted by the smell of warm Sulphide (Ye Ignoramus ....somebody obviously shat!!), whilst others are blissfully unaware.

You walk into Delhi airport or even NDLS you see Mr. Ego. 

Like the golden halo on the heads of saints, Delhi has its ego, as an alternative identity, an aura around its people. “Mine is bigger than yours” sentiment is Delhi’s patent right (I am not talking about cell phones here; I am talking about just everything else other than that!). It is the place where people get cars to a gym barely two minutes walk away , because you know it isn’t about the gym or working out, it is about the fact that I have a car and I can afford an AC gym. I have it then I flaunt it, well, good and understandable but Delhi says I will flaunt it even if I don’t have it.

There is a permanent scowl on the face, and fuses are always near the burning point. At Delhi people gossip around, with intent to dissect the hurt, the sorrow. They are more interested in knowing the sadness that engulfs the others, with some kind of a weary hope that it may be more than what one has, that is it may be minuscule as compared to the giant demons he is accustomed to.

This contrast is very pronounced if you enter Delhi from Chennai or the land of the madrasis.

Politeness here is what sets people apart and I guess this word isn’t in any Delhites dictionary. Deference and simplicity, again opposites of ego are much visible in the Manhattan of India. However, sometimes this is suffocating; you need some invectives in daily life, to make it more interesting more let’s say alive.

As my friends often put it, “बहनचोद गाली थोड़े ही है..... बहनचोद तो प्यार है ( हाँ बेतिचोद इतना पयार सही नहीं है  !) ”.

A hardcore Funjabi, who has been holed in Chennai for nearly two years calls me up  and all he wanted was to abuse to his heart’s content.” Rajan, I can’t use these words here man, it is just not possible. Somebody nicked my car yesterday and even before I could use any nice terms, the uncle steeped out and said a guileless sorry. I just couldn’t do anything after that, I tried a gruff expression but my heart was not in it, I also smiled and waved him away”.

Coming now to Mumbai.The pulse of Mumbai isn’t its resilience, or its ‘spirit’ as is often depicted. Nor is it the multitudes that throng the local trains governed by the subtle laws of human compression that allow for effective transportation.


It is the indifference that sets this place apart. At Delhi people are interested in your sorrow, Chennai people are guileless, but Mumbai people …….don’t give a damm.

The best example that I can see, is the one that is applicable in many settings, sexism.

Mumbai has good females, which when walk by automatically exercise your eyeballs even if it’s for a fraction of a second. Alas, this sentiment is not visible in people here. Maybe it’s the problem of plenty, or maybe it’s my inherent nymphomaniacism, but I suspect it is more to do with the running around which mumbaikers are accustomed to that has dulled their senses.

I was meeting a friend in for dinner, at some stop near Andheri. The first thing that you notice is the nature of the market place. All shops are adorned, bedecked and doing roaring business, the only hitch being that it was close to 11 in the night.


" Boy, the festive season sure is catching up " , I remarked.


" What festive season, this place is always like this, till about 12 in the night " ,  came the weary reply of my friend.

You are open till 12 in the night and you start by morning again there is  no time at all, no time to gossip, no time to loiter and certainly none to stare. Senses are not heightened, nor are they extinct they are just dulled. You nicked my car I don’t have time to sit and fight with you (Delhi), nor apologize to you (Chennai), I just run, and I run fast, mentally booking a slot the weekend to do the repairs.

It’s funny how you think about this gyaan.It stuck me during the return trip from Dadar, when I was squashed in a corner, and staring at the stained, sign on the carriage which said “To seat ; -84”.Thankfully our Indian engineers while designing the carriage had incorporated a decent Factor of Safety !

To wrap up...these are all just nuances, nothing is good or bad. It is the differences that make travel enjoyable and it is the differences that characterize us...unite us.

Wish you all a Shubh Dipavali ! 

PS – As I was typing this away my sister glanced by and said” If you use the filters of regionalism to divide, then Mr Genius, what are you ........a Delhi brat............ a Madrasi champu or.......... a Mumbai dude…??? “.It got me thinking and before I could respond then she remarked rather thoughtfully” You are nothing, not even a hybrid………..you are just weird but ……..nicely weird”