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Thursday, December 26, 2013

A Broken Heart

A broken heart is a terrible thing. If that was not bad enough, consider the impact when you rewind a set of events that make you heartbroken; each time it kind of amplifies its impact. With time, the intensity of the final outcome in terms of sadness heals, the events themselves become slightly obscure, but the rewind and the amplification effect last and seem to become stronger and more pronounced with time.

But the funny part of heart is that it never learns. The desire to be happy is so overwhelming that the dangers of the corresponding sadness on heart break seems to be a risk well to the taking. However, unfortunately each time you pass through this cycle, as a person you change. You would become more withdrawn, skeptical and less giving. The depth of any consecutive relationship becomes lesser, the activities in it, become more transactional less transformational. The impact of inconsequential activities that used to be pleasurable becomes just existential in nature. Pause here, if you are reading, retrace, reflect (strongly if you are a structurally conformal female). There was never the getting back to the first level of bliss was it? There was only an attempt to fill the gap with some plaster which just would not stay? Why was it? Can you at the best be only a second rate version of what you wanted to be? Answer: No

Consider a visual in your mind. I will try to make it graphic. There is a heart, the iconic candy floss version. There are a set of bandages all over it. It sees solace; a very appetizing morsel of indulgence in the emotional domain. The pain, the bandages notwithstanding, it gravitates towards it. Every fiber in it cautions against it. Enter in the visual a very straight forward and a stern looking Mr. Head. There is a look of military frown on its face and the equivalent of a weary but stern disapproval. A leash suddenly materializes on it and it is lassoed on the heart. There is barely hint of a grimace on the heart. It is in a trance. It moves towards indulgence, the pace however is slow. Confused, it looks back and sees a leash with the handle on its nemesis Mr. Head. They start to fight. The age old struggle begins between the heart and the head. There is no respite in sight. There are 2 thoughts and 2 ends of the spectrum, there seems to be no possibility of a negotiation.

This is because of compartmentalization. It is sought to call for a cease fire in the above fight. The generally used compartment is called the realm of friendship and is a domain perfected and used extensively by females. But it rarely works. When you put a name or a boundary on a relationship there is a pressure on all the parties involved to live up to it , do it justice and also a subtle hint that it cannot be extended or expanded. When you start putting definitions on non rational behavior you are indulging in a cosmic mismatch. How can you define, monitor & control a non rational feeling with a rational definition?

So what to do? Answer: Live in the moment, flow with the time. But never hold back because you are scared of hurt because then you compromise your essence of existence.

PS: Thanks, to a friend who shared her life stories with me , that sparked this post. I am not sure if  I was able to do much justice to the sentiment as it sounded too much English, when I read back. Observant may notice I have deliberately not given a gender to “heart”; I really could not assign it one!


Deboshree said...

An interesting take on the conventional head vs heart battle. Quite a write-up! :)

Srikant Rajan said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts !