Weekend Diaries_Evil Policeman !!

It has been quite a long time I am scribbling this actually. 

It must be the normal curve effect, anything and everything eventually dies down and you end up somewhere in the 96 % quartile range. Try as you might, you can run but you can’t hide away from it. You can tweak the frequency and the amplitude but you can’t kill it.

This in fact was what Sirjee was telling me a couple of days back.He said"An year after MBA, I am nowhere , close to getting clarity in life.I am as confused as I was before, however I am more matured and much more wiser."

Sirjee, " You realize that you are slightly less confused than others, because you at least realize that you don't have clarity"

A pause, and then" Indeed Srikant............... indeed".(It takes balls and foresight to say "No" to an offer that is huge(not big, but huge) in financial as well as snob scales...and Sirjee has them)

Saturday morning I did not wake up, because I did not really sleep. Late night was making some cost model for a new project, that is the only way I could avoid going to office.I am no longer taken by the terms” an hours work, maybe 2”.Whenever that happens, it turns into almost 3 quarters of the day gone.

I mailed at 2 am, now that ensured that I don’t get called to office, but also left me fidgety and sleep deprived.

I met up with a friend of mine (female) this weekend. The idea was to just say hi and mall around, and perhaps shop.

Shopping………

Boy-o-boy, I deduced, it is both a noun and a verb.

By purist standards it really isn’t a noun. However if you apply the filter of gender then it becomes one……………………….. from the male perspective.

For instance, consider me as a causal indicator. I can’t shop, I don’t know how to, I can’t be bothered with it. Whatever I wear are either gifts, or what my mother or aunt deem fit for me to wear and they know or have understood what I will wear and what I wont

But for females, it is bliss to shop, and funnily they seem to have a marked penchant for footwear shopping the high heeled ones in particular. It is actually very insightful that they are able to walk into a store and select all the colors, textures, sizes and finish combination that are never ever available with the shop.

Devil and wit of flame have a funny way of lighting up.

I wanted to buy a t-shirt. I walked into one store and asked my friend to pick one for me; this is how it went

She: Some jazzy green color …………..  

Me: What I can’t wear raunchy color shades

She: Light pink……..

Me: Now look there I think you know I am not gay

She: Muted brown …………

Me: I am yet to get married and there you are picking me grandfather color clothes

She: Red …………

Me: this one is reminiscent of Pakeezah , btw any of those there in Banglore?

This seems to be the last straw. She put them all down, and picked a white T-shirt with some muted stripes, and I nodded.

“What is the fun ………if it is all white that you want to wear?  Don’t you like colors in your attire?”

“White is a powerful color and so is black. And I normally wear them both”.

“That may explain why you’re kind of on the bi-polar side. You swing from one end to the other, euphoria or gloom; it is magnified in your case". You are ….”she paused and said,”Elastic”.(Click Here...)

I laughed out again. She was good with words, and pretty adept at being deferential and scathing at the same time.

She smiled back; “Take this one, if that is what you want”.

I beckoned the attendant, and then I realized that I could get another free with that. I asked him to get a same piece.

“Are you, going to wear 2 white t shirts? She asked trifle surprised.

“I am going to wear neither, these I going to gift”…

“And for you…..”

I changed my mind.

Shaking her head, at my elastic behavior she walked away to the exit.

I paid and made out, only to be greeted by the smell of filter coffee.

So we sat down at MTRs, the smell there is very Satvic. And hunger dear is very smell dependent. I ordered in Tamil and as usual the way I speak is kind of weird so service is good.

One masala dosa, one vada and couple of jalebis later we were both sipping coffee.

MTRs in that mall had an open air section as well. I could discern a couple with a kid diagonally opposite to us loaded with bags. The mother was trying to feed the kid some tidbits from her plate but it seems the kid was in mood for colic. It (gender unknown, hence the noun description!), and was bawling its gut out.

I was trifle surprised and averted my eyes away, I had shades on, and so the mother did not realize that I was observing them.

We were done with the coffee and my friend had to leave. She normally turns into a maid, and her car into a pumpkin, well before evening.

We were making our way out, but I was curious as to why the mother had pointed at me for. Incidentally at the billing counter again, we saw them purchasing some sweets.

“I saw you pointing towards me while we were eating, is something amiss” I asked very politely. (That is verbatim)

The mother seems slightly embarrassed at my query, “ She…”,  pointing at the unusually silent kid “Was troubling a lot, and I just pointed towards you and said, if you trouble more, the police uncle sitting with the black shades will put you into prison.”

Hahahahahahah !! , I roared in laughter.

My friend also smiled, and said “Actually you look very frightening with those on”.

“What makes you think I am not”?

“You are not”, she said with finality.

Meanwhile the couple made a hasty exit not wanting to have any more conversation a purported evil policeman, who thankfully had their kid silent.

PS- I came back and took a self snap!! , evil is too powerful to be ignored :)

Belief or Wait......From Where? :)

That one statement lends itself to a myriad of interpretations.

The difference between awaiting and waiting………what is it?

Got to hand it to females, they are good with words, good with anagrams, interpreting silences, pauses, tones and even laughs. I love their company, and I seem to get along well with them. Well............some of them :)

I was posed this question today, on a call, with a female. Imagination is allowed to take control if ………you do plan to read ahead. 

What do we await?

We await happiness, we “await” for good things. “Awaiting” is always with hope. We “await” for a good word from the boss. We await luck, we await arrival of a friend, and we “await”, the next trip to family. You see, “awaiting” is always in the positive sense. Never is the anticipated outcome expected to derive anything other than a smile, a laugh or a sense of contentment.

However we wait for the cooker to give its quick whistles signaling the meals is ready. We wait for the heater to warm up the water, we wait for the serpentine queue of metal boxes to move, we wait for a firang to understand that 2+2 = 2X2 = 4.We wait for the sermon from some wise guy to get over.

That was some quick thinking I could give on the call. This elicited a laugh. It was genuine; so it was I think the right thing to say. The devil as I am, I could resist a golden opportunity to score some brownie points, “So my dear, it was this smile that I was awaiting for, not waiting, hope you can understand”.

"I think I believe you Srikant".

Damm that’s mushy, I don’t like mush. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Time to hit back……..(a swat ..........needs a swat................ a hug......... necessitates a reciprocating hug that sweeps off the feet and intellect .............needs a bit of wit in response!)

"Well that is good, but dear, belief you know is very dicey. It is satisfying no doubt about it, a little bit frightening and a lot demanding. What scores among these actually depends on where the belief comes from"

"Where does it come from, what do you mean?"

"Well belief in someone/something can come from two places, either from the head or from the heart. It is the source of this belief that is important rather than the belief itself."

"Huh?!"

"Well, you see when there is a heart belief, it is irrational, subjective and a lot dense and utterly unpredictable. But on the positive side it stays , it does not depend on one action or activity, it is not transient but lasting. For example, you pick up a fight with say your mother (I heard females do that a lot, irrespective of age!), but you know that when things calm down, she would believe you, stand by you, support in what you want, or whatever you did.

But when, belief comes from the head, it is rationally driven and very objective.However on the flip side, it is transient. You may not trust the belief always, it comes and goes. One action it springs, another it disappears.

So, tell me if you do believe me, which btw is dangerous, for you never believe a guy who is in the business of hustling, but that’s where we are not going today. Where we are ........actually is to know where this belief comes from?"

Long silence………I am becoming good with them, so I stretched it longer……But, I knew the response, in fact I was willing to bet on to a strip dance by me in the middle of Garuda mall on a Saturday.I even knew the exact phrasing.

"Well, here it is both …I guess".

Bingo!! No strip dance, but that I already knew.

However I did not anticipate, a sudden post script, to the above non binary response.

"Well ............right now it is heart".

Damm, I spilled my rather hot tea…..for this I did not expect.

The silence this time was uncomfortable and I did not want to stretch it.

"So, is it shopping again for today"(females love to talk about shopping ....anytime!!)

"Yea, got to get something for another social event" a hurried response.

"Good for you, catch up with you later then".

"Yea we will do that".

So if you have read this long, on a Saturday, tell me……………

Is there nothing you await........................ ???????????!!!!!!!

Or better still……….. Do you wait, or rather do you await for the weekend, do you wait or await for the Monday morning. And irrespective of the “a” do you believe in whatever “ing” you have, that is do you believe in whatever is it  you wait or await, and if so do you believe it from your heart or your head.

Ponder on…if desired…. Else scotch is always there, if the outcomes to the above thoughts are not merry….. Ho…….. Ho………. Ho…….. !!

Studs and Sluts

Now this is again over a cup of coffee. I seem to be developing a fetish for “Devils Own”. I was sitting with D and another third party acquaintance, when the sight of a long stare directed towards me noticed by Mr. Third Party acquaintance.

“Someone has been observing you”, I got the intimation.

“Hope that is a structurally conformal female”, I retort.

“In fact it is”, he quipped.

It was an effort to keep my eyes as they were without trying to glance at the source of the stare.

Well, that was just a transient lapse in our seemingly dense discussion. 

Weekly/Bi-weekly, when I meet D would have read up some real dense gyaan and would like to show it off to me. He seems to derive pleasure from the fact that a lone alphabet (i.e. “D”) in the queens language would figure out in digital media. I am of course referring to the fact......... that he knows.......... if I am happy with the gyaan........... I would share it.

“You see we are a hypocritical male dominated society, where females have been considered objects of pleasure and lust to be used and discarded at will”, came the vehement argument from D.

“A man engages in “Wham Bham”, (bugger gave a slight physical demonstration, from his sitting position),before the occurrence of a social norm called, ”Marriage” he is considered a stud, but the same when applied to a female she is branded as a slut”.

Why is he sounding like a misguided feminist who just lost her vibrator toy, I was wondering.

“Hahahahahaha …. Got you didn’t I?”……………. said D.

“Well there is a reason and a very strong reason for the same.It isn’t the dominance of males or the societal norms, it is the fact that there is an inherent difference between sexes, their approach ..........their thought and ..........their corresponding actions”.

I am sipping the cream, hoping that the Devil plays his part soon.

“You know us males……..” I raised an eyebrow, when he generalized the statement.

“Ok Mr. Freud, I am not hiding behind a collective identity, to mask some of my personal short comings, I got proof as well”, D says.

Damm the D, he knows what I am thinking.

He continues “Males think about mating/sex all the time.We like visuals for pleasure that explains out penchant for nice movies.You know a woman would always like dark for the act and a man would always want to see it.

Thus, when we actually indulge in the act it is like the end for us, the outcome of a seemingly long thought process.For us mating is just one act, which needs to be completed, that is we desire instant gratification. In fact that is one of the reasons as to why we turn over to one side than indulge in cuddling etc after the coup de grace.

That kind of a description got to be true, it can be the result of just imagination.

So I say,” The veteran, speaks out........ huh D”.

“You know it pretty well”, he says slightly irritated at being interrupted.

“However for females it is exactly the opposite. They don’t think about sex at all, they don’t like visuals, rather words, sounds, that explain their fondness for Mills & Boons and bass male tones. A structurally conformal Adonis, contrary to popular perception isn’t a turn on for them”.

“Aha that explains why Adnan Sami got all the females when he was a giant and now you rarely see him with one”, I interject again.

This time D laughs.

Continuing he says “For females mating is an act leading to a beginning. Since the thought of mating is lower in frequency than for us, they expect a lot from the outcome of the act as well as the act itself. Males indulge in, it for instant gratification, so they don’t invest a lot in the process; however females invest a part of their identity, their soul in the act. With that kind of investment in something, it is hard to regain normalcy or depth, if the relationship doesn’t work out”.

Hence, the classification of a a stud for us, and a characterless slut for them.

Man, D is smart and D is intelligent and D............ is an ass hole.

I retort, “You can rationalize any thought, you are smart, and I will admit that your reasoning sounds logical, but somehow I am not convinced”.

“You can believe what you want, but you cant fight logic and reason”, he says with a  smile.

At this point the female who was observing, us, got to depart with her gang. She made it near to us and in a sweeping motion, turns to me and says,” Dude, you are the guy from blogadda, on their notable newbie list, the mindtrends one?

Waah waah, am famous.

I blushed!! And I was happy at that time for my dark complexion, and thankful that the fairness creams are not very effective.

I hope she asks for an autograph, or maybe a snap, anything to cherish the moment of meeting me.

“I read the one of different types of foods, it is nice man and also the one on origin of life on earth, but I did not really relish the one on hookers. This person D seems quite interesting”.

Damm….It was like lighting a cracker and then pouring water all over it. It was D who was appreciated.

Well, you can meet D right now, I was about to say, as I got a warning glare from D , which clearly said “Shut the hell up”.

“Well, has it occurred to you that this D might be a figment of my imagination, an alternate identity for me?”, I queried sweetly.

“I don’t think so”, she said with finality in her tone.

“Thanks for reading through, and sharing your thoughts. Frankly, I never expected someone to walk up to me in a coffee shop and tell me about my blog”, I smiled my modesty to her.

She just smiled and waved her hand as she walked away.

“D, you are famous now, this calls for a celebration” I said as she was well out of sight and sound.

“I don’t need more people now, I am happy the way I am, and I am warning you……… never reveal my name else……….. I will curse you”, he says without even looking at me.

I was scared …………he knew a little bit of Tantra as well.

Brrrrrrrrrrrr !!!

The business case is compelling, make something worth 10 paisa, spend 500 times the amount in convincing the people that it is worth 1000 times the amount, and pocket the difference.

Now I will rely on my memory to quickly trace the growth and evolution of a brand. (Say “Bingo” if you can spot it already)

1. Scene 1 – T0 – Smart MBA enters into marketing of FMCG. 

It’s hot and hotter; can I have something cold to cool me?

But of course – Thanda matlab

Thanks to Amir Khan, two years numbers are met, (and so is my incentive)

2. Scene 2 - What after two years? 

Now forget about, it is obvious that you will pick up a coke when you want something cold, the question is will you pick it up in any other case?

Anytime you wanted to celebrate – Jashn mana le

Hrithik Roshan says  - fret not for 3 years.

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Ok, OK, Mr. Smart Product/Brand manager, you have earned your big fat salary and done justice to your MBA degree, but pray tell me is this the best you can do?

Nay!! You underestimate me.

3. Scene 3 – Time T0 + 5 years.

You want cold drink you get coke, you want to celebrate you go with coke again, but what about excitement. The kind of excitement that makes your tummy jingles all the way.

Eureka!!

It is Brrrrrrr – ting tong .......ting...... ting....... ting........

Now considering that "Brrrrrrrrr" is in a time when

• India won the world cup of cricket and
• IPL quickly followed the world Cup 
• Imran Khan seems to be far more "cuter" than mama Aamir (going by female perception)

I will not hazard a guess on the longevity of this campaign !! 

I got to hand it to the Coke. Every year or rather ever season they create a new jingle, a new concept to sell the same old water, color, and sugar and soda combination.