Guide to Segment Facebook Users

In my previous story, I talked about the latent intent which prompt user action on various social platforms.In this post, I single out one portal, and dissect the possible latent intent behind some of the common actions. (The basis of this rigorous analysis is a quick run down on my Facebook feed today). I could categories posts in five distinct segments, see them along with descriptive images here.

Happily Angry !!

Emotions, their causality and the consequent ramifications have always fascinated me.

And simple causalities have tremendous ramifications. Consider the sentiments of anger and happiness.

When you are angry, you react, irrationally. When you are irrational, you in economic terms are not performing the act that is likely to give you the most payoffs.

So in principle you would react in a primeval manner that is the reptilian manner (humans are reptiles!!).So there is no difference in the way you react to being angry today as you did say about millions of years back.
 
However happiness has changed.
 
What makes you happy is no longer what is giving you the most rational payoff. It is the relative payoff or rather the perceived payoff vis-à-vis your counterparts.

Say you were at X prior to appraisal , you wanted Y but got Z which is greater than Y. Rationally you should happy, but hell you realize that some other smart ass has got W which is in turn greater than Z.

Automatically the comparison is not between Y and Z but rather Z and W.

So in essence your happiness is a function of the relative level of misery of you rival/counterpart. Lower the relative level of misery, higher is your perceived satisfaction, irrespective of the rational payoff to you.

Think about it!

Weekend Diaries_Evil Policeman !!

It has been quite a long time I am scribbling this actually. 

It must be the normal curve effect, anything and everything eventually dies down and you end up somewhere in the 96 % quartile range. Try as you might, you can run but you can’t hide away from it. You can tweak the frequency and the amplitude but you can’t kill it.

This in fact was what Sirjee was telling me a couple of days back.He said"An year after MBA, I am nowhere , close to getting clarity in life.I am as confused as I was before, however I am more matured and much more wiser."

Sirjee, " You realize that you are slightly less confused than others, because you at least realize that you don't have clarity"

A pause, and then" Indeed Srikant............... indeed".(It takes balls and foresight to say "No" to an offer that is huge(not big, but huge) in financial as well as snob scales...and Sirjee has them)

Saturday morning I did not wake up, because I did not really sleep. Late night was making some cost model for a new project, that is the only way I could avoid going to office.I am no longer taken by the terms” an hours work, maybe 2”.Whenever that happens, it turns into almost 3 quarters of the day gone.

I mailed at 2 am, now that ensured that I don’t get called to office, but also left me fidgety and sleep deprived.

I met up with a friend of mine (female) this weekend. The idea was to just say hi and mall around, and perhaps shop.

Shopping………

Boy-o-boy, I deduced, it is both a noun and a verb.

By purist standards it really isn’t a noun. However if you apply the filter of gender then it becomes one……………………….. from the male perspective.

For instance, consider me as a causal indicator. I can’t shop, I don’t know how to, I can’t be bothered with it. Whatever I wear are either gifts, or what my mother or aunt deem fit for me to wear and they know or have understood what I will wear and what I wont

But for females, it is bliss to shop, and funnily they seem to have a marked penchant for footwear shopping the high heeled ones in particular. It is actually very insightful that they are able to walk into a store and select all the colors, textures, sizes and finish combination that are never ever available with the shop.

Devil and wit of flame have a funny way of lighting up.

I wanted to buy a t-shirt. I walked into one store and asked my friend to pick one for me; this is how it went

She: Some jazzy green color …………..  

Me: What I can’t wear raunchy color shades

She: Light pink……..

Me: Now look there I think you know I am not gay

She: Muted brown …………

Me: I am yet to get married and there you are picking me grandfather color clothes

She: Red …………

Me: this one is reminiscent of Pakeezah , btw any of those there in Banglore?

This seems to be the last straw. She put them all down, and picked a white T-shirt with some muted stripes, and I nodded.

“What is the fun ………if it is all white that you want to wear?  Don’t you like colors in your attire?”

“White is a powerful color and so is black. And I normally wear them both”.

“That may explain why you’re kind of on the bi-polar side. You swing from one end to the other, euphoria or gloom; it is magnified in your case". You are ….”she paused and said,”Elastic”.(Click Here...)

I laughed out again. She was good with words, and pretty adept at being deferential and scathing at the same time.

She smiled back; “Take this one, if that is what you want”.

I beckoned the attendant, and then I realized that I could get another free with that. I asked him to get a same piece.

“Are you, going to wear 2 white t shirts? She asked trifle surprised.

“I am going to wear neither, these I going to gift”…

“And for you…..”

I changed my mind.

Shaking her head, at my elastic behavior she walked away to the exit.

I paid and made out, only to be greeted by the smell of filter coffee.

So we sat down at MTRs, the smell there is very Satvic. And hunger dear is very smell dependent. I ordered in Tamil and as usual the way I speak is kind of weird so service is good.

One masala dosa, one vada and couple of jalebis later we were both sipping coffee.

MTRs in that mall had an open air section as well. I could discern a couple with a kid diagonally opposite to us loaded with bags. The mother was trying to feed the kid some tidbits from her plate but it seems the kid was in mood for colic. It (gender unknown, hence the noun description!), and was bawling its gut out.

I was trifle surprised and averted my eyes away, I had shades on, and so the mother did not realize that I was observing them.

We were done with the coffee and my friend had to leave. She normally turns into a maid, and her car into a pumpkin, well before evening.

We were making our way out, but I was curious as to why the mother had pointed at me for. Incidentally at the billing counter again, we saw them purchasing some sweets.

“I saw you pointing towards me while we were eating, is something amiss” I asked very politely. (That is verbatim)

The mother seems slightly embarrassed at my query, “ She…”,  pointing at the unusually silent kid “Was troubling a lot, and I just pointed towards you and said, if you trouble more, the police uncle sitting with the black shades will put you into prison.”

Hahahahahahah !! , I roared in laughter.

My friend also smiled, and said “Actually you look very frightening with those on”.

“What makes you think I am not”?

“You are not”, she said with finality.

Meanwhile the couple made a hasty exit not wanting to have any more conversation a purported evil policeman, who thankfully had their kid silent.

PS- I came back and took a self snap!! , evil is too powerful to be ignored :)

Belief or Wait......From Where? :)

That one statement lends itself to a myriad of interpretations.

The difference between awaiting and waiting………what is it?

Got to hand it to females, they are good with words, good with anagrams, interpreting silences, pauses, tones and even laughs. I love their company, and I seem to get along well with them. Well............some of them :)

I was posed this question today, on a call, with a female. Imagination is allowed to take control if ………you do plan to read ahead. 

What do we await?

We await happiness, we “await” for good things. “Awaiting” is always with hope. We “await” for a good word from the boss. We await luck, we await arrival of a friend, and we “await”, the next trip to family. You see, “awaiting” is always in the positive sense. Never is the anticipated outcome expected to derive anything other than a smile, a laugh or a sense of contentment.

However we wait for the cooker to give its quick whistles signaling the meals is ready. We wait for the heater to warm up the water, we wait for the serpentine queue of metal boxes to move, we wait for a firang to understand that 2+2 = 2X2 = 4.We wait for the sermon from some wise guy to get over.

That was some quick thinking I could give on the call. This elicited a laugh. It was genuine; so it was I think the right thing to say. The devil as I am, I could resist a golden opportunity to score some brownie points, “So my dear, it was this smile that I was awaiting for, not waiting, hope you can understand”.

"I think I believe you Srikant".

Damm that’s mushy, I don’t like mush. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Time to hit back……..(a swat ..........needs a swat................ a hug......... necessitates a reciprocating hug that sweeps off the feet and intellect .............needs a bit of wit in response!)

"Well that is good, but dear, belief you know is very dicey. It is satisfying no doubt about it, a little bit frightening and a lot demanding. What scores among these actually depends on where the belief comes from"

"Where does it come from, what do you mean?"

"Well belief in someone/something can come from two places, either from the head or from the heart. It is the source of this belief that is important rather than the belief itself."

"Huh?!"

"Well, you see when there is a heart belief, it is irrational, subjective and a lot dense and utterly unpredictable. But on the positive side it stays , it does not depend on one action or activity, it is not transient but lasting. For example, you pick up a fight with say your mother (I heard females do that a lot, irrespective of age!), but you know that when things calm down, she would believe you, stand by you, support in what you want, or whatever you did.

But when, belief comes from the head, it is rationally driven and very objective.However on the flip side, it is transient. You may not trust the belief always, it comes and goes. One action it springs, another it disappears.

So, tell me if you do believe me, which btw is dangerous, for you never believe a guy who is in the business of hustling, but that’s where we are not going today. Where we are ........actually is to know where this belief comes from?"

Long silence………I am becoming good with them, so I stretched it longer……But, I knew the response, in fact I was willing to bet on to a strip dance by me in the middle of Garuda mall on a Saturday.I even knew the exact phrasing.

"Well, here it is both …I guess".

Bingo!! No strip dance, but that I already knew.

However I did not anticipate, a sudden post script, to the above non binary response.

"Well ............right now it is heart".

Damm, I spilled my rather hot tea…..for this I did not expect.

The silence this time was uncomfortable and I did not want to stretch it.

"So, is it shopping again for today"(females love to talk about shopping ....anytime!!)

"Yea, got to get something for another social event" a hurried response.

"Good for you, catch up with you later then".

"Yea we will do that".

So if you have read this long, on a Saturday, tell me……………

Is there nothing you await........................ ???????????!!!!!!!

Or better still……….. Do you wait, or rather do you await for the weekend, do you wait or await for the Monday morning. And irrespective of the “a” do you believe in whatever “ing” you have, that is do you believe in whatever is it  you wait or await, and if so do you believe it from your heart or your head.

Ponder on…if desired…. Else scotch is always there, if the outcomes to the above thoughts are not merry….. Ho…….. Ho………. Ho…….. !!

Studs and Sluts

Now this is again over a cup of coffee. I seem to be developing a fetish for “Devils Own”. I was sitting with D and another third party acquaintance, when the sight of a long stare directed towards me noticed by Mr. Third Party acquaintance.

“Someone has been observing you”, I got the intimation.

“Hope that is a structurally conformal female”, I retort.

“In fact it is”, he quipped.

It was an effort to keep my eyes as they were without trying to glance at the source of the stare.

Well, that was just a transient lapse in our seemingly dense discussion. 

Weekly/Bi-weekly, when I meet D would have read up some real dense gyaan and would like to show it off to me. He seems to derive pleasure from the fact that a lone alphabet (i.e. “D”) in the queens language would figure out in digital media. I am of course referring to the fact......... that he knows.......... if I am happy with the gyaan........... I would share it.

“You see we are a hypocritical male dominated society, where females have been considered objects of pleasure and lust to be used and discarded at will”, came the vehement argument from D.

“A man engages in “Wham Bham”, (bugger gave a slight physical demonstration, from his sitting position),before the occurrence of a social norm called, ”Marriage” he is considered a stud, but the same when applied to a female she is branded as a slut”.

Why is he sounding like a misguided feminist who just lost her vibrator toy, I was wondering.

“Hahahahahaha …. Got you didn’t I?”……………. said D.

“Well there is a reason and a very strong reason for the same.It isn’t the dominance of males or the societal norms, it is the fact that there is an inherent difference between sexes, their approach ..........their thought and ..........their corresponding actions”.

I am sipping the cream, hoping that the Devil plays his part soon.

“You know us males……..” I raised an eyebrow, when he generalized the statement.

“Ok Mr. Freud, I am not hiding behind a collective identity, to mask some of my personal short comings, I got proof as well”, D says.

Damm the D, he knows what I am thinking.

He continues “Males think about mating/sex all the time.We like visuals for pleasure that explains out penchant for nice movies.You know a woman would always like dark for the act and a man would always want to see it.

Thus, when we actually indulge in the act it is like the end for us, the outcome of a seemingly long thought process.For us mating is just one act, which needs to be completed, that is we desire instant gratification. In fact that is one of the reasons as to why we turn over to one side than indulge in cuddling etc after the coup de grace.

That kind of a description got to be true, it can be the result of just imagination.

So I say,” The veteran, speaks out........ huh D”.

“You know it pretty well”, he says slightly irritated at being interrupted.

“However for females it is exactly the opposite. They don’t think about sex at all, they don’t like visuals, rather words, sounds, that explain their fondness for Mills & Boons and bass male tones. A structurally conformal Adonis, contrary to popular perception isn’t a turn on for them”.

“Aha that explains why Adnan Sami got all the females when he was a giant and now you rarely see him with one”, I interject again.

This time D laughs.

Continuing he says “For females mating is an act leading to a beginning. Since the thought of mating is lower in frequency than for us, they expect a lot from the outcome of the act as well as the act itself. Males indulge in, it for instant gratification, so they don’t invest a lot in the process; however females invest a part of their identity, their soul in the act. With that kind of investment in something, it is hard to regain normalcy or depth, if the relationship doesn’t work out”.

Hence, the classification of a a stud for us, and a characterless slut for them.

Man, D is smart and D is intelligent and D............ is an ass hole.

I retort, “You can rationalize any thought, you are smart, and I will admit that your reasoning sounds logical, but somehow I am not convinced”.

“You can believe what you want, but you cant fight logic and reason”, he says with a  smile.

At this point the female who was observing, us, got to depart with her gang. She made it near to us and in a sweeping motion, turns to me and says,” Dude, you are the guy from blogadda, on their notable newbie list, the mindtrends one?

Waah waah, am famous.

I blushed!! And I was happy at that time for my dark complexion, and thankful that the fairness creams are not very effective.

I hope she asks for an autograph, or maybe a snap, anything to cherish the moment of meeting me.

“I read the one of different types of foods, it is nice man and also the one on origin of life on earth, but I did not really relish the one on hookers. This person D seems quite interesting”.

Damm….It was like lighting a cracker and then pouring water all over it. It was D who was appreciated.

Well, you can meet D right now, I was about to say, as I got a warning glare from D , which clearly said “Shut the hell up”.

“Well, has it occurred to you that this D might be a figment of my imagination, an alternate identity for me?”, I queried sweetly.

“I don’t think so”, she said with finality in her tone.

“Thanks for reading through, and sharing your thoughts. Frankly, I never expected someone to walk up to me in a coffee shop and tell me about my blog”, I smiled my modesty to her.

She just smiled and waved her hand as she walked away.

“D, you are famous now, this calls for a celebration” I said as she was well out of sight and sound.

“I don’t need more people now, I am happy the way I am, and I am warning you……… never reveal my name else……….. I will curse you”, he says without even looking at me.

I was scared …………he knew a little bit of Tantra as well.

Brrrrrrrrrrrr !!!

The business case is compelling, make something worth 10 paisa, spend 500 times the amount in convincing the people that it is worth 1000 times the amount, and pocket the difference.

Now I will rely on my memory to quickly trace the growth and evolution of a brand. (Say “Bingo” if you can spot it already)

1. Scene 1 – T0 – Smart MBA enters into marketing of FMCG. 

It’s hot and hotter; can I have something cold to cool me?

But of course – Thanda matlab

Thanks to Amir Khan, two years numbers are met, (and so is my incentive)

2. Scene 2 - What after two years? 

Now forget about, it is obvious that you will pick up a coke when you want something cold, the question is will you pick it up in any other case?

Anytime you wanted to celebrate – Jashn mana le

Hrithik Roshan says  - fret not for 3 years.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, OK, Mr. Smart Product/Brand manager, you have earned your big fat salary and done justice to your MBA degree, but pray tell me is this the best you can do?

Nay!! You underestimate me.

3. Scene 3 – Time T0 + 5 years.

You want cold drink you get coke, you want to celebrate you go with coke again, but what about excitement. The kind of excitement that makes your tummy jingles all the way.

Eureka!!

It is Brrrrrrr – ting tong .......ting...... ting....... ting........

Now considering that "Brrrrrrrrr" is in a time when

• India won the world cup of cricket and
• IPL quickly followed the world Cup 
• Imran Khan seems to be far more "cuter" than mama Aamir (going by female perception)

I will not hazard a guess on the longevity of this campaign !! 

I got to hand it to the Coke. Every year or rather ever season they create a new jingle, a new concept to sell the same old water, color, and sugar and soda combination.

Mirror…….. Mirror......... Tell me......... Who is the dearest of them all?

 

This post was sparked off while reading a news article on how many of our technical gems, are gravitating towards a life of serving god.

AOL and ISKCON are leading the roost in offering burnt out techies, a route to salvation and Moksha.

When I read this, I was reminded of this short narration which I had read a long time back.

“Everyone knows Narad muni in Indian mythology. For the slight memory re-jig, he is the cymbal clanking, fruitcake representation of masculinity (all I remember from various Ramanad Sagar serials pardon if it is wrong!) touring the three worlds, singling praises of Lord Vishnu/Narayana.

Now one day Narad muni had this wonderful doubt creeping in his mind” I should ask Lord who is his favorite devotee of them all?”

So he did exactly that. And then he just stood there, waiting to hear praises about himself, about his devotion towards the power of lord.

Alas !!!  for our dear Narad Muni, the lord answered some name who was a mere farmer.

Now this hurt him, and hurt him bad. However as a god, he did not show his hurt as anger and rage, rather as a genuine doubt to know his shortcomings.

To which dear Lord Vishnu, replied in a pun. Again, it is my observation after quite a bit of various read, that Lords never love straight answers, it is always the demonstration or the learning/realizing by doing route for them.

“I will answer this query of yours, but first you will have to do a small task for me. Here is an urn of oil, filled to the brim. Please take this and tour the three worlds. Bear in mind, that not a single drop of oil should be spilt. Once you are done, come back and I will resolve any of your lingering doubts.

Narad Muni takes off.

Cut to the chase.

He returns soon after completing the prescribed tour. Handing over the urn, to the lord he waits for his reaction.

The lord looks at the urn, and it is intact not a single drop spilled.

He smiles and asks,” So you did the task, was it difficult?”

Narad muni replies “Yes a bit, for I had to carefully watch the urn to avoid any spillage, the three world tour is not exactly German auto engineering ride.”

Lord Vishnu, smiles and replies” How many times you remember me during this work?”

“Remember you, I was doing your work only, then why should I remember you?”Asks Narad muni a trifle surprised.

Lord Vishnu replies, ”Exactly. You don’t have time to remember the lord during your work. That is why is said my favorite devote is the farmer, for her remembers me thrice during the day all along the course of his work. And he has been doing this without fail".

“Don’t make it your life to chant my praises. But do make it your life to chant my name, within your life, within your daily work, and chant it with conviction, with belief, for then you would be bestowed upon my grace”.

Narad Muni nodded understanding the implication of the oil urn three world tours.

I hope my characteristic cynicism is demonstrated well here : )

It is a Diploma... :)

The hall was packed as Chadda and I entered. 

I could not believe my eyes, there were nearly 60 students in the auditorium. Chadda was scanning for a place to sit and saw the middle row was unoccupied, started navigating towards it. The seat was bang in front of the elevated podium. 

Chadda as usual was silent and just sat with a calm look on his face waiting for the session to begin. 

My mind however was unsettled seeing the humongous space.

We were here in an introductory session of “achievers workshop “organized by IMS India Private limited. IMS was one of the leading institutes that provided coaching for cracking CAT - the most respected aptitude exams for anyone aspiring to enter into the realms of management. Of course managerial aptitude was the last in anybody’s mind when they decided to go in for CAT. 

Almost all (including me) just saw the media splashing news about the skyrocketing pay to many at IIMS and saw it as a nice way to grow up in scale. Almost all get sick of engineering when they enter the final year and MBA offered an attractive escape route for many to get a respectable life in an economy where engineers were dime a dozen. And the nice ratio of 70% of the intake being engineers further made it the logical choice for many techies.

I was of course one among the crowd. 

Chadda however was from the topmost colleges in the country. We had both gone in for CAT and he had ended up with a top score, I on the other hand had cemented my mediocrity with an average score, but nowhere near to getting into the IIMS. 

Strictly speaking this session was only for the high scorers who where enrolled at IMS .I just classified on the second count! But still Chadda insisted that we both attend the introductory session as our knowledge of management was just limited to fancy terms we had both gobbled up at some point in our graduation.

The session was supposed to educate us on various aspects of management and the road ahead that is what to expect in the second round of selection, the group discussions and the personal interview. The session would be handled by some Paresh, an MBA himself majoring in Human Resource management.

I glanced at my watch and, it was still 15 minutes for the lecture to begin. 

People were still trickling down in ones and twos. A girl dressed in the traditional salwaar kameez and a beaded jhola bag made it to our row and asked,” Is this seat taken? “

I shook my head and she slid into the seat adjacent to me, undid her bag took out a register and pen and stared ahead with a serious expression.

Bored I said,”Srikant”, “Varsha ‘she replied back.

“So what’s your expected score?” I asked.” I might just about get a call from one the IIMs maybe Indore .I did well in verbal section but messed up the quantitative section.” , she replied.”

 “What about you? “ Just ok in all the sections did slightly well in verbal.” 

This elicited a smile from her, we were companions she thought .

So what is your background “mechanical engineering”, I replied. The smile died away replaced by a frosty “I see “.I was nonplussed at the sudden change in her demeanor. And what about you “literature honors, DU.” “Oh that’s nice” I said, being an avid bibliophile I looked up at anything related to them.

” Must be nice reading up for a specialization, “I added. She stared back and replied,” What so nice?  Nobody gives a damm about literature and I did not have mathematics like you guys. And I had to work very hard to get myself up for CAT, thanks to the tough competition given by you guys.” 

Oho this madam is all messed up. And I wasn’t exactly an ideal mascot for the engineering tribe. I was about to correct her when there was a sudden silence

Shifting focus I looked up and saw a squat short bespectacled man dressed in slippers and a faded shirt a size too large for him .He was avidly gazing at the crowd, with a large smile on his face. 

I caught his eye and his smile widened. Puzzled, I nodded my head .Why is he so happy I thought and nudged Chadda .

Chadda, as usual knew what I was thinking and being the cynic he said , ” If you were there giving gyaan for a couple of hours, for a nice pay wouldn’t you be happy? “He mouthed turning to me.

“Good Morning to all “boomed Paresh’s voice .All noises ceased. “ First of all I would like to congratulate you all for doing well in the first round “.

I slid away from focus feeling slightly guilty. “However the road ahead is even tougher “continued Paresh. “And through this session I would just like to highlight some of the important aspects with respect to a management education.”

Paresh launched into an introduction of himself. He had passed out from XLRI more than 10 years back, been a HR guy for Maruti for about 5 years and then quit. He skimmed on the part of being out of Maruti. But the gist seemed that he had messed up something out there and predictably he turned the tables on Maruti for the incident. Then he fished out an article dealing with the life of corporate, the business managers of large MNCs.

“It is not about money, “he droned on.” If you are good at something don’t chase money keep doing it and money will chase you “.Aha this gyaan now seems interesting. What I am good at, I thought inwardly. Well am good at reading and public speaking, debating and all. 

Then I though about playing tabla I am good at that too. 

So then do I spend my life debating and playing tabla? 

The mental picture of beating a tabla and shouting vehemently did not look very good. I shook my head, it’s no good .These culture specific activities are for the financially well off. Middle incomes like us had to find a way to get regular food on the table .Maybe later I though once in a good job and good money I can do all that. But something told me that it would never happen.

Snapping out of the internal though process I focused on the session again. Paresh was reading from a piece of paper, what he called the typical life a big shot manager.” Armed with a two year diploma in hand, techno-mangers brace themselves to enter the realms of management. Most venture into the domain of investment banks where the big bucks are. They put in demanding 13-15 hour workdays and no holidays. For money they forget their family .In the relentless pursuit to reach the top they upset the delicate balance of work and life. After a couple of years they realize that they have nothing in life save a pot of money and fancy material comforts.” Paresh paused and looked up. 

The entire class was staring at him with utmost seriousness. I glanced around all too mindful of the effect Paresh had created. For a minute even I felt the futility of all education. A quick look around I noticed a burly Delhite, scribbling furiously.

I nudged Chadda again and he replied “, that’s Gurdeep, he is from my college, pretty serious most of the times and always taking notes.” Meanwhile Paresh returned the piece to his packet with a satisfied smile.

“So, what do all you budding managers think about this article. I personally think it has a very valid point. I urge you all to consider very carefully before taking any career decision. And with that I would like to conclude the session. Are there any questions? , said Paresh. 

All looked around expectantly, I involuntarily turned to the sardar who still looked lost in what he had just written. Then with a determined expression he raise his hand .Paresh said yes , the sardar stood up all 6 foot and some inches’ of him , took the mike as it was passed to him and said “ Sir, myself Gurdeep,in light of what you have just said, I would like to know if IIMs offer a degree or a diploma.”

There was pin drop silence after this statement.

Paresh looked like he had been handed a hot pan and did not know whether to hold it or drop it.

Suddenly there was a snort of laughter from someplace, a giggle broke out another place and a full blow laugh escaped me. That was it; the entire group started laughing uncontrollably. Even Paresh‘s lips went up a bit, in what seemed to be a hint of a smile.

 I looked at Varsha even she was laughing, the serious expression gone from her face. 

She leaned toward me and whispered, “Now I know all engineers are not alike,”.I added,

”You may never know some may be even good at literature,” and gave her a wink.

Super Commando Dhruv !!

Now this one is from the time............ when consumerism was not quite as rampant as it was today.

Met D yesterday, poor guy is pulling off 18 hrs a day and has friends (sorry acquaintances!!), across globe. Bugger starts at Japanese standard time (Good Morning san!) and ends after bidding “Good night mate”, to his American colleagues............... while living in India.

I suddenly felt a little blessed................ am not that burdened.

He had incidentally bought a new mahogany bookshelf, and I was staring at the books lines neatly across rows. Seeing me stare he indicated, that a box above needed some help moving with and my length could be appreciated.

The boxes it seems were a minimum of 4 years old. I had plenty of experience moving stuff, and immediately tore the brown tape.

I was greeted with the sight of a super commando Dhruv comic book. I radically revised my estimate of the time frame of the boxes.

D shrugs sheepishly.

“My friends, I popped it in before moving the boxes out”, he says.

He took the dog eared books, and turned the pages, absently, saying” You know I used to rent these comics at a princely amount of Rs 2 per week and a deposit of 10 bucks”

“That is about the cost of 1 tea now”, I rounded off with a smile.

“This guy now is in States, he would be happy to hear about his Dhruv books”, he says flipping the pages.

Tring!! D’s phone rang, and I am not kidding here, it was the guy from states.

D dunks off all preliminaries and says” Super commando Dhruv, at your service", then there is laughter.

D walks out to the balcony to take the call.

It was a good forty minutes later he walks in all beaming” You know this seems to be the substance of your next blog entry”.

"Shoot away", I said looking for some munchies while I listened to his tale.

So................here it goes.

This guy is one of the rags to riches kind of story. He has a sister, and both of them are high performers.

For some funny reason this comic book sparked off an incident of a birthday party.Apparently this book was a bribe by his sister to him, when he was about 70% of his current stature physically and otherwise.

The reason for this bribe was a birthday party. A party that was of his sister’s best friend and ...........................pre teenage girls do not really like boisterous pre teenage boys at the occasion of a dainty party.

Consider it the kid’s equivalent of a girls pajama party.

“Yes, tell me about it”, I added wryly.

Now at the time of bribe my friend happily conceded. However he did not factor in the increasing utility of time on ..................a forbidden event or .....................the decreasing utility of the comic book with time

.

Now the day before the event, this guy stealthily drops in word to his mother about the impending birthday party and his desire to go with his sister.

Seems, that this information was a surprise to mom as well. Apparently dear sister was waiting to announce at the last minute.

It is just a birthday party!! , I interjected

Remember they are not financially well off, and in their culture, show off is rampant. The birthday was by a family which banked a little bit too much on ostentation and that was evident from the place of this event.

Now his mother was kind of unhappy with her daughter’s secretive ways. However, she conceded to the participation of her daughter in the celebration of birth canal expulsion event. In a mother’s way of getting revenge at the purported defiance of her daughter, she insisted that she take her brother.

Raves,rants and mean looks at her brother accompanied this dikat of her mother.

Mother however was firm, either both go or nobody.

Realizing the futility of arguing against discipline, sister dear agrees. However she stipulates the following,

“No fighting, no stealing balloons, and ……..”, waggling a mean finger she says …. “No gorging at the party”.

“You will say “no thanks” three times before accepting anything be it a gift or food”.

Mother dear agrees…………. brother looks victorious………… sister a bit morose

.

D-day dawns.

2 kids are dropped at the happening place. Sister dear, goes hysterical at the sight of her friends, however manages a mean look at her brother before going to join them.

“Remember, say no, thank you three times, for anything you are offered”

Brother nods, slightly intimidated.

Well cut to the chase. 

Poor brother here has a humongous appetite, and it is not everyday ................he can hog on exotics like cakes pastries, samosas.

Sitting morosely in the corner allotted sternly to him by his sister, he looked wistfully at the trays of food being passed around; hoping some soon comes his way.

His prayers were answered, as on girl (he told me it was the elder sister of the birthday girl), recognized him and came towards him with a tray of all exotics.

“Do you want to have something”, the sweet query.

Chubby hands itched, to grab out the delicacies. 

However the “no thank you” drill of his sister came to his mind. He was scared of his sister, but he loved food, ................what if the food was taken away after he said “no thank you” twice?

In a fix, he sought a logical way out, and his investment baking brain, in its formative stages, came to aid.

Eyes shining, Chubby says” no thank you, no thank you, no thank you”, in a speedy sing song way and then quickly takes some stuff.

The elder sister was surprised at this outburst and burst out laughing.She did suspect something was amiss so she left the tray at the nearby table, (much to the brother’s delight) and found his sister.

Now sister dear, happened to glance at her brother hogging, and gave him a dirty look. Seeing someone approach her…………added filth……..to dirtiness.

Chubby brother was mollified.

Sister dear hears the recount and without warning bursts into laughter!

Seeing the smile, brother dear decides all is well and munches on.

Indeed , it is funny what Super Commando Dhruv can bring about ! 

Shatter-Proof

It is said, that once just once you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes you cross it .....sometimes you don’t, but the realization of the fragility of life, hits you hard............ pretty hard........... at that instant.

Yesterday night, it was pretty late. I had spend the whole day filling one detailed vendor registration form( a  9 page document), for a global OEM.Their representative had come in , and my boss and him were at it the whole day, I had filled something and he had to review it and bosses................. never have time.............. but they have deadlines :)

 

White skinned people believe in light lunches, ( a grilled sandwich, alas!) , and I am not a huge fan of these kind of lunches so hunger was predominant .On top if it the realization that if I delay by some more minutes all I would have was leftovers.

Hence the need for speed and one obliging machine at hand,(और ..........बजरंज बली का स्मरण!!) .

I reached outer ring road in about 3 minutes…(yep I timed it).This place is my favorite, cause there is one long stretch of nice tar and all............ want to race! 

Cab drivers cannot accept the fact that someone can be madder than them. So one guy was honking all the way trying to catch up with me.He managed it too, however, I always squeezed in between some gaps not good enough for 4 wheels.

 I caught his eyes and they were determined to get ahead. 

Madness is like gravity, it just needs a little push. So I flicked the throttle and revved to 100kmph easily, zip zap and zoom, and one swerve after another.

Coming close to ISRO, there is a turn. One Volvo bus (500D) roared for a quick U turn. 

It was, it seems to me a bit late to break, from my end, nevertheless I braked hard. Rear and front, the punched and holey disc brakes screeched.

Linear momentum plus coefficient of kinetic friction began a tussle and in the midst of it my machine was unsure whether to stop or move on.

I struggled to gain control. Narrowly missing the bus, I skidded on the last part of the mad dance of physics.

The burnt rubber………….the still rolling wheels…………. and the honks all around and milling of some curious on lookers.

I was dazed.

I patted myself………no scratch…not even one………

It hit me hard then.........the fragility of life........

Why the hell was I rushing about? For one meal of two rotis and some gravy…is that what this all is about?

Why are we all rushing around?

It wasn’t the first time I had an accident miss but it was certainly the first time I had thought about life. I had always lived in moments, and each moment had been transient. I had reveled in the transience and mocked my life, jeered at others who tried to capture on to these moments without any success.

Maybe, they are right.

Maybe life is about housing loans, infrastructure bonds, EMIs, fancy cars, trophy wives and status befitting club memeberships. 

For with them at least when you die you have a reason better than 2 rotis and some gravy.

A smile flickered on my face.I stood up and surveyed the bike, there wasn’t a scratch on it either, so I guess the disc brakes really work and I had just fallen due to the sudden stop.

Revving the engine I moved on.

PS – I had fried rice that night, somehow did not like the idea of rotis : )

Dharti-Putar !

That was the term with which I was described as recently.

I am narcissist, egotistical, chauvinist male pig and I won’t deny that at all. On the contrary I revel in it. But this term is a source of amusement for me for this came in from the most unlikely source in the most unlikely situation.

My needs are manifesting………… with renewed intensity. I had Noorie, once and I doubt if there is ever going to be anyone like her again, but Bangalore is different. Life here is lived in the ratio of 5:2 or sometimes 6:1 and continuance is not expected.

Everything is a quickie, and we have weekend benefits.

Reference here is drawn to one singular change, Facebook and of course this place where I put all my "mind trends". Got an intimation as to these “trends” seems interesting to someone ultra feminine by nature. I got wheels and the grace of Goddess Lakshmi so “bhavya milaap” is not an issue.

And my ……..oh…….. my, was it a milaap.

We met in one of the usual suspects; a coffee shop which I detest but hey dude it is so un-cool to be anywhere else.

Yakkity yack notwithstanding my eyes rested on the most obvious location of female anatomy. (That is statistically proven as well!!)

She reveled in the silent adulation.

After the silent show reel, but extensive visual exercise the vampire in me............. began the seduction act............. for the ultimate kiss of death.

Words, work well with females, and I have no paucity of them. Fringes of Robert Frost, sometimes Blyton thrown in seemed good enough for a post coffee walk time.

I was asked the predictable question of me being single or it’s contrary. I do not buy or believe in these terms, but something told me that this answers would not go down well with the intellectual image I inadvertently seemed to have projected.

I stopped dead in my tracks, as though I had hit a brick wall when poised to this question. A soliloquy began. Nostalgia lacing heavy in my voice is spun a tail of grief and heart break and the person responsible for all that being me and me alone.

That brief…….. Grief remembrance…….. Gave me……… a very helpless look.(methinks!)

No tears, but the tone was enough to convey that. I did not reach for any physical contact while recounting this tale, in fact it almost seemed that I had forgotten her presence.

Silence greeted me after this performance.

We walked more, and more and I was wondering why I had bought wheels a little bit more I would reach my abode itself.

I felt soft fingers clasp mine, and a powerful strawberry laced perfume smell which was nauseating.

“I had my share too and that bastard was.......just like you"!

Damm there goes a wasted weekend evening, no causality..........for actions........ no fruitful outcome ...........time and resources wasted.

"But, you seem like a true stereotypical man, the one they write ancient Hindi TV serials and movies on....I remember the song which my dad used to play featuring some Dileep Kumar clanging hand bells in a village....."She seemed to be searching for the name....

I replied..."I think you are referring to the film 'Gopi" , and the bhajan "ram chandra kah gaye siya se"....

Yeah exactly that.........you are like him.........you are like a ...she paused and said " dhartiputar “

I laughed!!

A full throat........ guileless laugh

And I said , " Kya baat hai kanya, i guess that is the best compliment you could have given me, for it truly typifies what I believe and live for. I guess I got to thank you...if not for anything else but for this word!!”

She looked at me with a mixture of disdain and pleasure

Suddenly with no warning; I leaned closer and gave her a hug. She tried fighting me, but her heart was not in it, and she relented and gave soft thumps on my back.

She seemed like a very soft pillow, which had strawberry sauce split on it.I never realized my length and strength when as I released her she said " your arms............they are like iron rods"

I let go of her and said.....”Good Night! It was nice meeting you!

“Are you just going to leave at that”? She asked a trifle surprised.

“No I am going to walk you back, put you in some transportation mode and leave”, I replied with a smile.

We began our trek back.

“Dude, I really do not think we can get along as mates, but I guess we can be good friends”, she said.

“Are we talking about friends with benefits”, I asked mischievously.

“You watch Big Bang?!” She asked incredulously.

Yup!!

“I like Wallowitz “she said with a smile.

Needless to say, the return trip seemed faster (thank you Big Bang).

“Can you drop me?”, she asked as we neared the shop.

"That is a 220 CC engine, I have not bought it for a Luna work.I won’t drive slow, so if you ride with me you will have to either clutch me , or the rear handle bars, for if you fall and die I cannot have that on my conscience.............. my life I can play with .....not others"

“Do you take an effort to be rude, or is it natural “.She asked.

I ignored the barb and flicked the starter. Revving the engine I asked, “Where do you live”?

“That is gigantic presumption................. that I am riding with you”, she said with her hands akimbo.

I revved the engine a bit more in response to her statement.

Sighing, she walked ………and sat cross legged on the bike.

 The strawberry smell hit me again and I asked.....

“Do you take an effort to be a fruit or is it natural”?.

She leaned her face on my back and said softly, “Just drive, dharti-putar”.
 

How Did Life , Come on Earth?

Move over Darwin and Hawking. Life on earth was not the result of the blue green algae or the tiny probability of preferred selection of universes as proposed by the Big Bang.

Hinduism has the answer.

Now the source of this post  is D. And despite the marvelous tale he had spun for me he has declined his name to be used.

Well suit yourself D.

Now this was a couple of light year ago, when earth was still a virgin planet ,( and by that I mean there was nobody to rape her, specially humans ! ).

Now why where there no humans?

This is because of the inherent blood lust in us. We were busy fighting or common ancestral but even more blood thirstier than us brothers the demons (asuras) in some far off planet.

This fight again had progressed quite long and hard and despite the law of the normal curve it had skewed towards the demons clan. Human survival was questionable and for the preservation of the lineage of humans, wise gurus decided.

They decided akin to the great lord and Moses kind of plan.

Thanks to their Tantric powers and some latent intelligence which humans are famed for, the managed to locate earth. Two superior species were selected to bestow upon earth the gift of human life and were sent under the aegis of a learned sage who was supposed to chaperone the wild hormones in them after they had served their purpose

However they had not factored in probability nor the occurrence of the black swan and they certainly did not know that someone called Murphy ruled supreme even then

Earth was a virgin and thus had a protective coverage as insurance to her virginity, which was the Sheerasagar, or as D said the protective vacuum space.

When the chosen 2 humans passed through this space, the man was rendered impotent and infertile and so was unable to perform his duties as intended.

“Yeah yeah, no wonder we are called the blind faith. You don’t lose your dharma and potency if you travel outside your place of birth”, I retorted to D with sarcasm lacing heavy on my tone.

“Do you know the people who traveled to outer space and lived there for sizable amount of time, came back impotent”, replied D with a smile.

That silenced me. I can’t argue with reason and logic.

Anyways back to the tale.

The sage also suffered the same fate, however decided not to dwell on his misfortunes but began searching for some way around or some jugaad.

I interjected again and said "  Ahem ...........!! D, aren't sages supposed to be celibate?!" .

D replied" No, celibacy is often misconstrued.There is a dharamvasana, and a kaamvasana.I bet you have seen Ekalavaya starring the Bacchan and Saif Khan.Bacchan exhibited dharmavasana there and Saif was a Dharmputra."


D to hai bhai D !

Dignession returns !!

The sage deduced that the Sheerasagar was intended as a cover to protect from humans, but apparently pure animals, could factor in with no love lost for their womb or fertility.

However the Sheerasagar also factored some algorithm which caught and threw exceptions such as forced recruitment, or cross bred species. Added to it was the problem that most of the pure animals set available was such that they were by themselves unable to face the arduous journey to the earth, without any form of force or foul play.

The Sheerasagar coder thought he had covered all hatches to prevent loss of earth’s virginity.

But sages are not known to be intelligent without any reason. 

There apparently is a time when most of the reptiles, ( not mammals ) undertake a form of existence when senses and bodily functions are in standby mode, that is they hibernate. By a little bit of push and prod the set of pure animals which the Sheerasagar algorithm allowed inside earth, could be in induced into a state of such hibernation. This in turn could ensure their safe passage to the earth

The power of intelligence and Tantra reigning supreme, a pure animal (no prizes for guessing, it is the cow – no wonder we call it the gow mata) was impregnated with the seed of humans.

It was then carted off to the earth where it stayed long enough to delver the first human and its decided counterpart to ensure continuous propagation of the human species

As he finished this tale, i asked, “Where do you read such things man? And btw thanks to some conversations with you these days my language has become so chaste, that nobody believes that I am a Madrasi. In fact today I referred to a colleague (a female one ) as “kanya” with no intent of being anything other than ordinary and she reacted so vehemently, but good humorously,

 “Dude , don’t call me a  “kanya” !!!!

D burst out laughing and then dug in his cupboard for some time.

“Here you can start with this”, he said handing me huge leather bound book, which said Geeta Press (it is in Hindi!)

True or False ?!

Is whatever you write true?

This query has been repeated many times in the past few weeks, so much so that I am attempting to answer it here.

The golden answer to this question as many would expect is, “Yes” and “No”. But unfortunately it does not do justice to my desire for clarity so I am going to elaborate a little

There are two kinds of outlets.


Writing about what you felt, and writing what you intend or wished you would feel.

The former will be true, and latter will be graphic necessarily not vice versa. 

Your mind is powerful enough to rationalize any thought you have and if you believe in something strong and long it uncannily turns out to be true.

Everret Two World Theory, (am reading a bit of theoretical physics as well - Hyperspace by Michio Kaku).It essentially says that at every juncture you create an alternate universe. For instance you clicked on one line, what happens if you don’t, then another stream of activities will emerge, and for each action there would be an alternate, hence there exists multiple universes.Or like the branch of a tree universes fork out at every juncture.

When you write about what transpired, it is rational and logical. It is an interpretation of activities in the present universe, the one you live eat and breathe hence inadvertently even without you liking it, you are bound by its rules.

However when you write fiction you are free to explore alternate universes and it is something like the dream world as in case of Inception. Time was the filter which was amplified at each stage of dream…..in geometric proportion.

Similar is the case with alternate universes but the factor that amplifies is crumbling of structure (or so Methinks!)

As you begin to think about something that you intended to have happened, or should have happened, the structure of the present universe slowly begins to crumble down.

When you assume an offshoot of an assumed action, the rate of rule relaxation begins to increase, hence the existence of graphic description to compensate for the lack of logic and reason.

Consider it as a 2 way matrix, graphical vs. rational(X Axis) and real vs. fiction or fantasy(Y Axis).4 squares to fill in and "rational real" square is 1 and so is the "graphic fiction" one the remaining of course are zero.

For example just assume early morning you pick your brush and start with brushing in the usual direction (your teeth of course!).However for a minute revere the hand you hold the brush and the direction in which you normally brush.

 It would be for starters slow, for you mind is registering a new activity however that is on a purely cognitive level.

At the same time you may start thinking or concentrate more on the task in hand (brushing in this case) and be reminded of certain occurrences which ordinary and normal by everyday standards but suddenly would seem more amplified.

So what is more graphic? And by the same analogy what is true and what is false?

PS - I got to mention D here...And it is verbatim “Rajan........... that is a great insight I will reverse directions!! 

Do You Want Directions?

I am new to this place, well relatively.

Sometimes when I need to go to a new place I ask for directions.

From today on I have decided to complete refer to only Google maps!!

One of our Directors, (he was the one who took my interview!), came in from firangland.Hi, Hello and greetings went on and later on I happened to bump into him while I was departing. I was planning to go to a place near Kundanalli for dinner, which I was told housed a nice Sardarji ka dhaba, famous for dal amritsari.

For good measure I told this person my plans to have dinner at that place.And just by way of conversation asked if there was a shorter way to go there.

Oh my!!

“Well there are two ways you see….if you leave the entrance of our office and take a right. Now this is a one way so obviously, you will have to take a U turn and then come back to our entrance but on the opposite side”.

He paused and I waited patiently to get some displacement in his instruction rather than the mere distance.

“And then, you see take an immediate left you will end up in a side lane. Now this lane you see is very narrow and mind you there are seven speed breakers so if I were you I would drive slowly. From here the second red light ….. “

He paused again. My mind scarcely registered anything beyond the seven speed breakers. No ways my suspension will go for a toss.

“And from the red light you go on in straight and then……”

I caught a quick look of my colleagues grinning face and had the nasty suspicion that I was at the butt end of an idiosyncrasy.

I nodded to my director and he added, “ To the right you see the gate…..

Ahh kundanalli gate, I knew that place, thankfully his flow stopped then.

“Thank”……and before the “You” ,  came out.

“ And the second way, you see is much better…..”

Seemed,  like he was one long lost traveler and wanted to ensure that no humanity was to ever suffer from lack of directions. 

The dal amritsari and kulcha in my mind were tantalizing close, but ostensibly unapproachable.

It would say to suffice that it was Krishna Vaibhava deluxe thali yet another night !

Instantaneous Strongly Opposite Emotions :)

This is graphic.Please exercise your discretion

It was a Sunday mid morning time, a time when you are on the bed, awake...................... but savoring the calm, or rather the absence of rush.

However at the same time it is nostalgic too.

This is the the time each bachelor away from home, living in a hostel craves for family, the most. When for the first caffeine fix, you need to walk to some hole in the wall, when you stare with disdain at the bulging bag of dirty clothes, and by contrast the clean cloths rack, and when the only thing stopping you from a shower is the lack of clean underwears

But, for some curious reason I like washing, ironing clothes.

The reason for this like is actually a story, (not like the Dame Washlot of "The Enchanted Tree" of Enid Blyton fame)

Now the flesh behind this story is missing, so I am going to add some of my own, but the skeleton frame is real and true.

People can be broadly classified as random or structured.

Randomness is non conformance

And most of the non conformers, would be concerned with pursuits such as painting, singing, drawing or performing arts. Such kinds................. on a pessimistic shrink analysis............ seem to suffer from a very low degree of self esteem or................... a low degree of external control, (Mom hugged little as a child, or Daddy was never around!).

Hence the latent requirement for approval .....................manifests in the form of performances. (This definition has some exceptions too…biggest being me!)

Random people will never like structured, predictable or in other words mundane activities, cleaning ironing etc etc.

Why? The presence of a structure somehow contradicts with their creative bent of mind. They kind of seem to extend the analogy of boundary conditions to their thoughts and they seem themselves kind of constrained.

Structured people are conformal to the norm.

These are generally intellectually driven towards the noble pursuits of sciences(not technology rather sciences). You see them as scientists, doctors, trying to figure out some sense in cosmic dust, smashing high energy particles in LHC (Large Haderon Collider – CERN).

Now such people are again of two types – one who are meticulous other are  random, cluttered. 

However, all such people like structure. This is because their work is so unstructured so prone to clearing a path that their mind welcomes some place where it is all defined, refreshingly simple and mind numbingly mundane.

In fact one noble prize winner said he liked knitting. Some like to garden, yet others like to clean their vehicle, walk their dog etc etc.

Now when I read about this someplace, my mind tried to rationalize the thought. I am nowhere close to winning a noble prize, but there is nothing stopping me from trying to emulate great minds is what I thought.

Knitting, somehow I thought of pink. A gay alert siren went off in my mind. Yuck no ways.

Gardening requires a garden and garden needs a place called home, not a hostel.

Laundry, yeah laundry that is good, I can do it and at least give myself the false illusion of being in the league of brain energy.

With sun warming my bare back, and the steady drip of water, I began “brush”, “soak” “lather”, “rinse”, and “soak”, on and on.

"Why the hell are you washing clothes, throw a 100 and be done with it", said D as he walked up with a fag on his lips.

I like distributing gyaan, and I kind of liked D with his simplicity and lack of any kind of hypocrisy.

With a smile I tried to explain the above analysis. I added to it the need for structure and, particularly my fanatical desire for the lack of my dependence on anything or anyone.

"So you mean to say, that a mundane, repetitive activity, like this kind of legitimizes or paves way for a nobler out put", D asked.

" Yep D that is it " !  , I reply.

D was thoughtful form some time.

" It can be any activity but subject to the above filters you just described?" , he asked.

" I think so " , I reply.

" Excellent Rajan, so that means the activity has to be simple …it is harmonic and it has to have motion " , D finishes with a flourish

I did not like his tone, and his explanation of simple harmonic motion. Early warning beeps ,  in my head began ..................that this message was not conveyed to him.

" Aha I do it daily then no wonder I am good at my work.",  he said.( he is in Predictive Analytics! btw)

Damm the D!!! Here I am trying to explain something, and that horny ass thinks of is gratification.

I was irritated but feeling smiley at the same time.

You do whatever; guys like D would never hesitate to call a spade a spade, always link off any conversation to the carnal needs.

However, their manner of relation to carnal desires every time would be so simple and unique and so darn logical, that it somehow will not incite a feeling of revulsion in you. It is like the difference between a porn movie and an erotic one.
 

One bores whereas the other excites , but both show the same flesh.( I will not specify which is what !! )

Autograph Please !!

Men are not from Mars, nor are woman from Venus. But yes, men will be men always and woman will be .....................   feminine (read bashful!).

I am traveling to hallowed establishments, the typical central government organizations which are characterized by red bricked walls, neat gardens and people who are kind of different in their outlook.

Defense establishments have lots of proprietary issues when it comes to materials, and assembled parts coming in and out. Cutting end technology notwithstanding, administration is still manpower, paper/pencil dependent.

We had to rework some materials for yet another design change. These were duly packed, sealed and signed by the store manager, materials in-charge, and the project manager too. We took the box and made our way to the main gate. Here the security guard directed us to an inside office for getting the materials cleared.

Hooha, there was a crowd there. 

Seems lots of vendors had picked that day for coming and going out and sadly there was just one clearing table.

It was nearing evening, and most of the staff was in movement away from office mode. I did not want to waste another day for the same material to be carried off, but it was impossible to get to the clearing lady in that queue and I could see that she was also turning cranky.

Think Balak ! Think….

The devil in me lighted the flame of wit, or so I thought. 

It was a small box, unlike most of the others in the queue, so I could tuck it under my arm.

I navigated to the front. I plunked the box on the table, and flashed a Colgate smile and said “Autograph please madam!!” in what I thought was a balance between a kiddish and a mature uncle tone (read teenage)

.

There was silence.It seemed like I had committed an ultimate sin. The regular sales representative from my place, whom I had accompanied, was a diminutive girl who spoke very less, seemed scandalized at my outburst.

Another resignation…no no seems it was going to be firing this time, I thought slightly frightened.

Meanwhile aunty ji , looked up. Her eyes were droopy had some old fashioned spectacles with tags on the frame to dangle over the chest. She did a quick survey of me from top to bottom.

Then………… she smiled.

She appeared to be bashful at the purported compliment and coyly she replied in Tamil “What you want my autograph for ……. am I a star or what”.

Oh so aunty ji nursed showbiz ambitions at some time. I replied with all honesty in Tamil “Right now madam you are the star of this place, so I want your autograph”.

It is wonders, at what candidness can do. She moved her attention to the box and asked,”What is it?”

“Some small XYZ, we are taking to our place in Bangalore, we will get it back tomorrow after modifications, we have taken approval from ABC”, I replied.

ABC was good, very good. She gave a cursory look at the release forms and then signed on the gate pass.

“There you go, now you have an autograph! Happy now?” 

“ Kavita Ramanathan”,  the wordings were cursive and surprisingly the scribble decipherable.

A nod and a smile and then I mouthed “Thanks”.

So there you go ,  any woman no matter how old, still is a pretty woman in her heart .And it does no harm to remind her about that !! :) 

अजी सुनते हो................. चिन्टू के पापा ???

...... dong..... dong...... dong...  !